Vinyl from Hell

Learn Code with the Ameco Code Course (1957)

PC — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 14:30:20 +0000

So you’ve got a teenage daughter who’s worn her thumbs down to nubs due to excessive texting. And now you don’t know how to stop her before she wears down a few more digits. Have you considered teaching Princess morse code? Throw away her cell phone and let her re-live the glory days of comminication by installing a telegraph in her room.

“OMG you’re my total BFF” becomes “_ _ _ _ _ __ . _ . _ _ _ _ _ . . _ . _ . . _ _ _ . _ _ _ _ _ _ _ . _ . _ . . _ . . . . . _ . . . _ .”.

It’s just that easy. Seriously, I’m great with kids. Any teenage girl will love this idea. That screaming tantrum is just her way of telling you that she loves you. Check out this wholesome video that shows you how great your life will be after you’ve discovered the joys of amateur radio.

Sure, amateur radio nerds are easy to poke fun at. But then it’s not a very interesting hobby to 99.8% of the population is it? It doesn’t attract the chicks like say….collecting odd records. Yeah….that’s more of a MANLY hobby now isn’t it?

Tracks:

Big Ben Banjo Band – Dancin’ Banjos (1958)

PC — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:51:55 +0000

The Big Ben Banjo Band was created in the 1950′s by U.K. conductor Norrie Paramor. After WWII, Paramor had grown tired of touring with various Jazz bands and decided to concentrate on studio work. Ironically, both of his creations, the Big Ben Banjo Band and the Big Ben Hawaiian Band, grew so popular that he had to arrange tours of the U.K. to satisfy demand for their music. There’s not much information in cyberspace about either orchestra, but Paramor had a long career with EMI and the BBC. If you want his full story check out his Bio here.

According to the back cover of this album, “This is the music for your party”. I wasn’t around in 1958 but I’m not convinced that a whole lot of people would be getting down to this music, even back in the olden days. After all, side one alone showcases a kazoo ensemble and some whistling solos. The entire album is three-song medleys. Not exactly the formula to keep a room moving. Ok, they didn’t actually mention what “type” of party this was for. Maybe they were thinking more along the lines of an octogenarian celebration. Probably just a difference of semantics.

Personally, I don’t mind listening to dixieland jazz like this. It’s easy to leave on in the background if you’re doing homework, making dinner, or even writing an acceptance speech for your upcoming Nobel prize. Well I actually only did two of those things while I listened to this album.

If you’re really digging the Big Ben Banjo Band, here’s a link to another one of their LPs at Recordo Obscura: http://recordoobscura.blogspot.com/2010/04/best-of-oldies.html

Tracks:

Side One

Side Two

Bill & Dick (1964)

PC — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 14:09:14 +0000

I had high hopes for this album. When I spotted it at the local Goodwill, I was hoping that Bill & Dick would be a religious folk duo. The religious part is a given since this record was released on Word Records. But unfortunately, Bill & Dick are backed by what sounds like, at times, an enormous symphony. The whole thing is waaaaaay too over the top for my primitive tastes.

My favorite part of this album is obviously the cover photo. My dad wore glasses just like these guys when I was a kid. Heck, I suppose most guys wore glasses like this back in the 60′s. They made everyone look like accountants. That had to be a frightening site. Walking down a crowded downtown street with what appeared to be hundreds of accountants. (shudder!)

Today you’d get a pretty penny on eBay for a set of these vintage frames. And speaking of money, there’s two people on Amazon asking $37.96 for this album. Wow, good luck with that. In that case, I’ll let my copy go for $35.00 and I’ll even throw in free shipping. No??…..how about $25??…..$15??……$2.50??…..25 cents??

Bill & Dick were Bill Pearce and Dick Anthony. There doesn’t seem to be much info on Dick after this recording but Bill had a pretty remarkable career as a trombonist and radio broadcaster. Bill passed away at the age of 83 in February of 2010 due to complications from Parkinson’s. While I can’t find any video of Bill & Dick, there is one YouTube video out there with Bill’s quartet, The Melody Four. I can’t add it here because they’ve got the embed feature disabled for some reason. YouTube Video. Bill’s the guy furthest to the right if you decide to check it out.

I’m actually kid of bummed out by this selection. These guys can sing, albeit in a style that I’m not particularly fond of, and the orchestra is certainly professional. Sure this won’t exactly make it into my listening rotation but there just isn’t anything truly awful about this record. I hate when that happens.

Tracks:

Side One

Side Two

Alix Dobkin – Living With Lesbians (1976)

PC — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 06:03:18 +0000

I just about soiled myself when I saw this record at a garage sale back in May. It certainly was one of the odder sales that I’ve been to this year. In addition to this gem and a couple other 1970′s lesbian albums, the old guy who was hosting the sale also had a grocery bag full of lesbian porn for sale. I’m sure there was a good story there but I couldn’t figure out a way to inquire about his music and video tastes without appearing like a total perv myself. So I forked over seventy-five cents for the aforementioned vinyl gems and went on my merry way. It’s now six weeks later and I’m still trying to unravel the mystery of why a guy, well into his 70′s, would have such an appetite for all things lesbian.

Let me start off by saying that I have friends, both male and female, who are gay. I’ve always prided myself in being able to make friends with people regardless of their race, nationality or sexual preference. If I only hung out with fat, old, white people like myself, life would suck. I also have some friends who are pretty religious and feel that being gay is immoral. Personally, I don’t get it. Why are religious people generally the most intolerant of others? Isn’t religion suppose to teach tolerance and compassion? I could drone on for hours but by now, you either agree with me or you’re dying to tell me to shut my pie hole so I’ll just leave it there.

It’s not really a big deal to be a lesbian artist today. Heck, they’re everywhere. Melissa Etheridge, Ani Difranco, the Indigo Girls, k.d. Lang, just to name a few. But think about being out there 34 years ago. I was in 8th grade when this album was released and I’m pretty sure that I had no idea what a lesbian was. So I give Alix a lot of credit. It was pretty brave to be out of the closet in a time when gays where openly discriminated against on a regular basis. Not that the world is perfect now but I have to believe that it’s a easier life today than it was in the 70′s.

Alix Dobkin was a part of the Greenwich Village scene of the early 1960′s that included Bob Dylan and you can clearly here the influences on some of the tracks here. She sings well and for the most part, this is a pretty good collection of folk songs. Granted some of the subject matter is certainly not aimed at middle-aged men like me. Nonetheless, I can respect an artist singing about topics that are important to themselves. One selection that I would have omitted, however, is the fourth song on side one, “Legnala”. I defy you to listen to the wailing on the first half of the song without cringing. It scared the crap out of both my dog and cat. They seemed to think there was a wounded animal in the house. I’m not making that up. The dog was utterly confused as to how she should react to the painful sounds being emitted by my speakers. Song four on side two isn’t much better. Apparently it’s a Bulgarian folk song but I find it difficult to believe that any Bulgarian would recognize it.

Here’s a pretty cool video of Alix rapping back in 1986. The woman really is a trailblazer. Heck, I think she even lifted some of my “white boy” dance moves.

So sit back. Free your mind. Venture a little bit outside of your comfort zone. Perhaps even channel your inner lesbian. If you’re open-minded enough, you’ll find that there’s nothing wrong with people having different beliefs and values than you do. If you’re lucky enough, you might even discover that they actually make life a whole lot more interesting. For my friends who are a little more on the conservative side, I’ll post something a little more to your liking next week. In the mean time, please put away your Sarah Palin action figures and get back to work.

Tracks:

Side One

Side Two

Guy Carawan – Green Rocky Road (1976)

PC — Tue, 25 May 2010 04:47:37 +0000

I figured that there wouldn’t actually be anything “hellish” about this album but since it’s fairly obscure, it still warrants a posting. Particularly since I happen to enjoy the sound of the hammered dulcimer which Mr. Carawan certainly excels at playing. Overall, the whole record has a nice Appalachian/folksy/Celtic feel to it. There’s nothing offensive to the senses and it’s damn fine music to do homework to.

The only videos of Guy that I could find were of him playing guitar so for anyone who might be wondering “what is a hammered dulcimer and how can I learn to play one?”, you’re in luck. I found this nice instructional video. Should this happen to inspire you to take up the hammered dulcimer and release an album, please send your royalty payments to Mr. Wonderful, care of: vinylfromhell.com.

Tracks:

Side One

Side Two

Dr. Kenneth McFarland – The Best of Ken McFarland’s Humor (1966)

PC — Tue, 11 May 2010 02:34:24 +0000

I love collecting old comedy records. When I first heard Bob Newhart’s “Button Down Mind” and Bill Cosby’s “Bill Cosby is a Very Funny Guy….Right?”, I was hooked. They’re both classics that I measure other comedy albums against, even 40 years after they were released. What I enjoy most about older comedy albums is that they were clean. (Ok, maybe not Redd Foxx). I’m not talking hygiene here. I mean they lacked profanity. People could entertain without dropping F bombs every ten seconds. For me, there’s just nothing funny about most comedians who work blue. Once in a great while you’ll see an exception. I think Sam Kinison’s early stuff was brilliant. And let’s face it, Sam never worked clean. I’m not a prude. It doesn’t offend me. I just don’t think that it takes a creative mind to swear.

Ken McFarland wasn’t actually a comedian by trade. Most of the albums that he released were motivational or patriotic. This LP just happens to compile some of his funny bits from years of speeches. Personally, I found the majority of the stories a bit dated but what do you expect for a record that’s 44 years old. There’s some rapid-fire stories here. Sort of like Henny Youngman with longer bits. A few of the stories made me chuckle but there’s definitely some high mileage stuff here.

Nurse – “Doctor, you’re signing that prescription with a rectal thermometer”.
Doctor – “Well now I know where I left my pen”.

Ummm…yeah.

Where Dr. McFarland does excel is as a public speaker, something that I’ve always found very difficult to do. If you’re interested enough, you can listen to some of his better known speeches at a website devoted to preserving his works: mcfarlandspeaks.com

I decided against posted audio files of this album for two reasons. There’s an active fundraising effort at the above mentioned website to help preserve Dr. McFarland’s speeches and it’s quite possible that the contents of this album may be part of that effort. That being said, sharing them for free would be a foolish move on my part. Secondly, and this is the biggie, his daughter who is actively involved in preserving his works, was on the Kansas Supreme Court for 32 years, including 14 years as Chief Justice. Now….I may not necessarily be the brightest bulb on the tree……but I do know not to dangle my fingers in the piranha tank.

Walt Johnson – Oulun Poika Laulaa

PC — Sat, 08 May 2010 03:04:33 +0000

I’m a sucker for homemade album projects, so I was thrilled to stumble on this gem last weekend at a local church garage sale. They actually had a second album of Walt’s so I grabbed that one too. According to the album, Walt and his wife were born and raised in the Oulu area of northern Wisconsin. For those who aren’t familiar with the area, it’s beautiful country with the highlight being the nearby Bois Brule River. A world class trout stream and stunning canoe and kayak destination. And don’t miss Johnson’s Berry Patch around the end of June. An Oulu hot spot. I’m drooling just thinking about those sweet, plump strawberries.

I couldn’t resist adding this video. I’ve run the Brule a few times during the summer, but these guys are nuts. I don’t care if they’re covered head to toe in Neoprene, that’s gotta be cold.

Walt decided to make this record at the urging of his friends after spending many years playing at area dances. My concern was that Walt’s friends might be telling him how good he is just to be nice. So I spun this album up fearing the worst. Well let me just say this, Walt….you rock! With a minimal organ and accordion accompaniment, Walt does a beautiful job singing. Mostly in a language that I can’t understand. He moves back and forth effortlessly between Finnish and English, and he’s so smooth that I’d still listen if he was singing in Klingon.

The part I loved best about this album was seeing that my boiler repairman, Ernie, provided “instrumental assistance”. I had no idea that he was a musician too. Although I didn’t know him well, I always looked forward to every fall when Ernie would stop by to restore my heat for the winter. The man was a wizard with my 1970′s era boiler, so I’m really not surprised that he had other talents. Very cool.

If you’re interested, I did find Walt’s follow-up LP on eBay for $9.98. I haven’t listened to it yet but if it’s half as good as this one, I’d pony up the ten spot.

Tracks:

Side One

Side Two

Zuhrah Shrine Chanters – Encore (1986)

PC — Fri, 07 May 2010 20:41:47 +0000

When I hear the word “Shriners”, I think of a couple different things. The first being the 22 children’s hospitals that they operate in North America. There’s no arguing that it’s a great cause that does a lot to paint an image of Shriners as wholesome, God-fearing, businessmen. The other thing that I think of is a bunch of old, drunken guys riding around in little cars for parades or acting badly at conventions. Here’s the story of one of these car stunts gone awry: Drunken Rampage And here’s a video of another one plowing into a crowd:

I don’t want to spend time bashing the Shriners because I really don’t know much about them. I do, however, have a natural distrust for any club with secret rituals and funny hats. Here’s an interesting website that claims to expose the Masons and Shriners as worshipers of Satan. Masonbusters.com Ya gotta love free speech.

So whatever your opinion might be, here’s a bunch of patriotic, religious and Broadway musical hits to soothe your troubled soul.

Tracks:

Side One

Side Two

Hugo Molinares y Sus Magnificos – Salsa, Cumbia y…..Sabor (1984)

PC — Fri, 07 May 2010 00:17:45 +0000

What do you get when you combine a 1980′s porn star mustache with the sensibility of a sleeveless Member’s Only jacket? You get Hugo Molinares of course. That’s about the only thing I can dis’ Hugo on though as his band plays some fantastic salsa music. The real problem is trying to find any information at all on Hugo in English, as my Spanish is……how do I say this…..no hablo Espanol.

After several minutes of Googling, I gave up trying to find any info on Hugo. About all I can tell you is that the album was recorded in Columbia and I’m guessing that’s where Hugo is from. Other than that, I found that a copy of this same album recently sold for $3.99 on eBay which means that my 50 cent investment has the potential to reap a 500% return. If only my 401k were tied up in copies of this album, I’d be on a path to early retirement.

Here’s a cool video of Hugo playing keyboard at what appears to be a restaurant. I particularly love the last couple of seconds where the old woman with the walker steps in front of the camera.

Tracks:

Side One

Side Two

Polka Padre – Polka Padre Hits

PC — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 00:07:06 +0000

Nothing says Catholicism in northern Minnesota quite like a good polka mass. If you’re wondering why, drive through one of the many mining towns that dot the Iron Range. The first thing you’ll notice is the sheer number of bars in each town. My guess is that the only way they could get these motley hoards to church was by promising some good old fashioned party music. And let’s face it, if you’re going to party on the Range, there better be a damn good polka band.

Ten years ago , I couldn’t see myself getting into polka music. But sadly, now that I’ve hit middle age, I actually enjoy it. The Padre and his group play some pretty tight polka and I was tapping my toes as I surfed for some info on the Reverend Kapoun. That’s when my stomach turned. So ya know all that stuff about Catholic priests molesting children? Yep, that’s right, the Polka Padre turned out to be “The Polka Playing Pedophile Padre”.

Normally I like to attempt some humor with my posts. Today it just doesn’t seem appropriate. Here’s a link to an article about the Reverend getting a $1.1 million lawsuit overturned. His lawyers even had enough class to send a bill for their legal fees to the victim. Polka Padre Ruling

And if you’d like to see the full history of allegations against Reverend Kapoun, check this out. Reverend Kapoun Allegations

I debated whether or not to even post this record but in the end, I figured it would provide an opportunity to let people know the truth. My own personal opinion of the Padre isn’t too high but I won’t start throwing around slanderous terms. Feel free to form your own opinions.

Sure I’m familiar with biblical passages such as Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged” but I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t apply to pedophiles. So today…….I’m casting the first stone (it’s another biblical reference, sheesh….do I have to explain everything to you people??)

Tracks:

Side One

Side Two